Loving children who not only don’t return
affection, but also reject or hurt us repeatedly, requires sacrifice and
service that is beyond common experience.
This love is tougher for the brain to accept. It can, at times, feel like placing your hand
over a burner on the stove with the instruction, “when you feel the heat, press
down”. The brain cannot compute this
directive. It wants to protect, override
the command and withdraw. Loving
children from brokenness can be like that.
Our brain’s job is to protect us and without God’s intervention we have
hearts of stone, caring for no one but ourselves. Only the spirit man, under God’s authority,
has any hope of loving well. If we are
to have any success, we must put him in charge of the brain and in charge of
our warfare!
Intentional Parenting definitely requires that both parents are on the same team, nurturing themselves and their relationship. Successful kids have parents who are willing to gracefully accept feedback and re-direction from their spouse ...not always an easy task!
When stressful times come and emotions run high, it is important that couples are able to help one another from getting off track. Many have found that a 'code' word or phrase is helpful in de-escalating the situation. This method helps parents show a united front while avoiding any indication there is room for triangulation. This method allows one parent to remind the other to 'hit pause' in effort to defuse the situation.
While hitting pause it is okay to tell a child, "I'll get back to you after I talk it over with your Dad/Mom". This gives parents room to be proactive...working as an intentional couple instead of reacting from human emotions. If parents will find a quiet place to talk, they will be more likely to work things through with solution focused thinking. Keeping things in the present tense with one eye on the goal of future outcomes is a great goal of conversation.
For example, if the long range goal is to have a child that is able to set boundaries for themselves it is vital to teach them critical thinking skills. Instead of telling your child what to do into their teens, help them by asking questions and coaching them toward the goal.
It is not always easy for parents to respond with intention and a calm spirit; now and then one or the other is going to 'blow it'. Begin to develop a system of mutual support and respect. Work together and keep a teachable heart...you're going to need it!
(Noun) the most essential part of some idea or experience
(Adverb) with complete faith
I love our new name. It captures exactly what I envision for the children and families that will be helped through our services. This program will impact the most essential part of a child’s early life: the part of their experience that has given them an ‘inner lens’ from which to view themselves and the world. Our program is designed to provide opportunities for ‘replacement experiences’ so that the messages of this essential part can be strengthened and healed. We do so with complete faith that our children’s stories can be redeemed; their futures secured.
